Narrator: Today on Samurai Pizza Cats…
Dash: EVOLUTIONS! (Slashes the screen in half horizontally)
N (with clips playing in the background): Dash finds himself in an awfully sticky situation dealing with a brand new robot. Not to mention he left his umbrella at the shop! The Pizza Cats find it and take it as a sign that he is in trouble. Will his secret be revealed? Will the Pizza Cats be able to get to him before the robot destroys him? Find out next on Samurai Pizza Cats: EVOLUTIONS!
N: It’s another beautiful day in Little Tokyo. We come to a little house just a few miles outside of downtown. If we head inside we see Dash catching a few Z’s. (To Dash) HEY! AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK!!!!!
D (startled): AHHHH!! (Falls out of bed) Oh crap! Your right! Hey, how’d you know anyway?
N: I’m the narrator. I’m supposed to know these things.
D (scowls): Look I don’t have time to argue with you or complain to the writers about it. I’m off to work.
N: And so Dash races off to the Pizza Cat Pizza Emporium. Where someone is waiting at the door…
D: GAHH!!!!
Francine: DASH!!! You’re 15 minutes late for work. How do you explain yourself?
D: Uhh… (Sweat drop)
F: Time’s up! WHAM! (Hits him in the head with a frying pan) It’s not important, just don’t do it again. Lucille needs her breakfast pizza, you make the delivery. (Whispers) And get out quick before Speedy and Guido find out)
D: Why?
F: Well… (She is promptly cut off by the aforementioned)
SC: Did I hear someone say that Lucille ordered a pizza? (Looks all googly eyed)
G (pushes him aside): you couldn’t get her to go on a date with you if you bribed the woman
N: This argument would proceed for the better part of a minute. All the while Dash has slipped out and is on his way to deliver the pizza. (As the argument wraps up)
SC: Well you’re a frog face… Hey where’d Dash go?
G: He is probably almost to Lucille’s house. (Get ready to go after him when…)
Polly: ENOUGH! (Screen goes dark and the next thing we hear is…) WHAM! (Speedy and Guido are on the floor)
SC: Maybe we should just get back to work
G: Yeah. That sounds good.
N: Meanwhile, Dash arrives at Lucille’s elegant tea house
D: (rings doorbell)
Lucille: Yes? Oh hello, you must be new. Usually when my pizza comes I see Speedy and Guido falling all over each other for me.
D: So I hear… (Rolls eyes) Well here’s your pizza. No charge.
L: Those two go at it over me so much it just makes me want to… (Box opens on her head)
D: Uh-oh…
L: YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (She then fires salvo of missiles. She sees Dash laying on the ground a charred mess.) Oh I’m sorry; I tend to do that when I get emotional.
D: So I’ve heard (coughs a puff of smoke) Well I’ve got to get back to work. Nice meeting you (coughs up another puff of smoke)
N: And so Dash heads back to the Pizza Cat. Unbeknownst to him (wow that is a really big word) someone saw him leave…
(Disembodied voice): I saw you destroy the last robot, young man, and I will make sure it doesn’t happen again. I better tell BC what’s up?
N: Hmm, now who is this BC you ask, why it’s none other than…
Big Cheese: (cuts him off) Yes, it is I, Seymour “Big” Cheese! Back in all my wondrous glory
N: (sarcastically) Oh brother!
SBC: I heard that. I’ll see to it that the producer cuts your paycheck for that.
N: Hey you can’t do that!
SBC: I can and I will. It’s a sub-clause of the evil villain union’s new collective bargaining agreement. Weren’t you paying attention at the last read-through?
N: You didn’t even bring it up at the last read-through. You never even mentioned that you were part of a union.
SBC: Well it’s not important. I have to get to my evil plan to take care of that little annoyance
N: Oh no, looks like Big Cheese has it out for our new friend here. Anyway, back to the Pizza Cat, where business is as active as ever
F: (hurriedly giving instructions) Speedy take this to table 2… Polly, take this to table 16… Guido, deliver this to Mr. Fujiyama… GB, take these to Guru Lou…
N: Wow, it looks pretty busy in there.
F: (sarcastically) you don’t say… Hey, you think you could help out?
N: Sorry, toots. I can’t. I’m the narrator.
F: Harrumph. You think you could find Dash for me then, he should have been back from his delivery by now.
N: Now THAT I can do. After some looking, we find Dash still on his way back to the Pizza Cat, but looking a little perplexed.
D (thinking): Hmm, this can’t be the right way. Oh wait there’s a sign; maybe that will point me in the right direction; (Reading sign that is obviously is written in Jerry Atrick’s handwriting) Little Tokyoà. Well how’s that for a wonderful stroke of luck! (Runs down the road)
N: But little does Dash realize that he wasn’t going down the road to Little Tokyo, he was going right into a trap set by Big Cheese and his number one commander, Jerry Atrick.
SBC: Sshhhh. Here he comes!
D: (talking to self) Wow, this is great; I’ll get back to the shop in no… (A crowd of Ninja Crows surrounds him) time. Hey, what is this??
SBC: Why it’s a trap you fool, didn’t you hear the narrator talking about it a few minutes ago?
D: I should have figured. Alright, time to fix you up right.
SBC: Not this time. NINJA CROWS ATTACK!! (Leaves with Jerry Atrick)
D: Well there’s only one way out of this. (Gets ready to grip his umbrella but its not there) WHAT THE…
N: Oh no, Dash doesn’t have his umbrella!
D: Yeah, can’t you tell!! (Thinking) great, now what am I going to do if I can’t transform? Well guess I better fight anyway. (To the crows) BRING IT ON!
N: and so Dash starts fighting the ninja crows. He knocks out a couple, and just when he starts getting the upper hand…
Ninja Crow: Hey guys lets just let boss’ new robot handle him (All crows leave except one)
D: his… what?
N: Yes, Big Cheese has introduced his brand new robot
Ninja Crow #2: Say hello to Capt Sticky fingers!
D (thinking): With the kind of writers this show has, that’s all they could come up with?
NC (invading his thoughts): Hey you think you could come up with a better one?
D: Alright then, I’ve beaten one robot, I’ll beat another.
NC: Not so fast, my friend. Captain, show him what you do. (Robot fires a large glob that catches Dash)
D: Ok, this is just plain wrong! Well, there’s only one way out of THIS one…
HELP!!!!!!!!!
N: So Dash is in trouble. Meanwhile, back at the shop…
P: Hey guys, I’m worried about Dash. He should have been back hours ago.
SC: You’re right Polly. Hey, what’s this? (Picks up Dash’s umbrella)
G: What’s it look like nimrod, it’s an umbrella. It’s got the letters “DSP” scratched on it
P: I remember Dash talking about his favorite umbrella. That must be it (Hears the echo of “HELP”) and that must be him in trouble! Come on! Francine, launch us in the direction of that sound.
F: Got it. (Over loudspeaker) Attention citizens of our fair city, the SPC’s off to save a fellow kitty. Stay behind the white line if you please, or the smoke and dust will make you sneeze! (Fires three shots)
Junior: So I guess it’s a good thing I came down with that cold yesterday then, right Mama?
Mama-san: ACHOO!!
N: And so the Pizza Cats are off to save the day again. But what they do not know is that the robot that trapped Dash is now on his way to Little Tokyo!
SC, G and P: WHAT???
G: Well if the robot is headed for town, then how are we going to know we are headed to the right spot?
P: maybe because I see Dash, and I also see we are going to hit that large tree over there.
SC and G (with dour looks): yeah that’s a good sign (scream and then slam into the tree)
D: Man, am I glad to see you. Some robot is going to attack the city!
SC: Yeah, we know, we heard the narrator.
D: Oh…right (Embarrassed look). Now could you get me out of here?
SC: Sure I would.
N: And with that we now get to see the power, the pageantry, the electricity, the…
All: JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!
N: Ok, I will. (Sheesh) energy of the MAGICAL GINZU SWORD!!!!
SC (begins Cat’s Eye Slash sequence) you’re in a sticky situation… NOW LET’S GET YOU UNSTUCK… HIYA! (Unleashes slash and destroys glob of glue around Dash)
D: Thanks guys.
SC: Don’t mention it.
P: Oh and I think this is yours
D: MY UMBRELLA! Thanks guys (hugs Polly) now, were in business. Hey, I’m going to head back to the Emporium. You guys deal with that robot.
SC, G and P: RIGHT! (Jet off after robot)
D: Now I can get a little revenge… (Extends umbrella)
BY THE POWER OF LIGHT!!
(Dash does his transformation with P.O.D.’s “Alive” playing in the background)
Now I have got to go join the others.
N: So Dash… err The Cross raced toward Little Tokyo to join the fight, which was going on in full swing.
Jerry Atrick: With this new robot, Big Cheese will finally be able to take over Little Tokyo and eventually the world!
SC: Not if we can help it! (Cue corny into sequence)
G: You think you’re in a sticky situation now, you haven’t seen the half of it
P: All it takes to go from stuck to unstuck (Blows kiss) is a little love!
SC: If you think you’re sending this town to the glue factory
All: YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!
JA: You will not defeat us this time. NINJA CROWS ATTACK!
N: And so the fight goes on. Unlike most fights, where the Pizza Cats usually dispatch the crows with ease, it seems that this time the Ninja Crows are getting the upper hand!
SC (after getting knocked to the ground): Hey! This isn’t how it usually works!
JA: The writers wanted to spice things up a bit. If you got a problem take it up with the producer
SC (thinking): Great and I get my contract renegotiated soon. (Gets up) alright that’s it. I’ve had enough.
N: And so with renewed vigor, Speedy attacks the Ninja Crows. Seeing Speedy, the others seem to get a second wind and attack as well. The crows are eventually defeated.
SC (turns to Jerry Atrick): YOU’RE NEXT!
JA: Gotta go! ROBOT ATTACK!
N: And so now the Pizza Cats have to deal with Big Cheese’s new robot.
Guido takes first crack at it, and gets a few good hits in, but the robot sticks him to the ground with the same glue Dash got stuck with. Polly gets a turn at it and receives the same fate.
SBC (watching on a screen in his hideout): YES! YES! YES! I will finally destroy those Pizza Cats!!!
N: And just as the robot is about to deal the death blow to Polly and Guido…
D: HEY ROBOT!
(Robot turns toward Dash)
Yeah I mean you! Nobody is destroying anybody today.
N: The cross attempts to power up his finishing attack but he can’t generate enough power!
D: Oh no, I don’t have enough power to do my move!
SC: Hey maybe I can help
N: That’s right folks; you get two for the price of one today. As one more time Speedy unsheathes the unmistakably great power of the MAGICAL GINZU SWORD!!
SC: Grr, try to stick this! (Goes into Cat’s Eye Slash sequence) YAH!
(Unleashes slash and destroys the robot. Cut back to Big Cheese, Jerry Atrick now joins him)
SBC: DARNIT!!! I WAS SO CLOSE!!!!
JA: Its ok Cheesy, we’ll get them next time.
SBC: Next time. NEXT TIME!!! ITS ALWAYS NEXT TIME!!! (Turns blood red)
JA: Somebody needs a little anger… (Big Cheese explodes) management (coughs up puff of smoke)
N: We return now to the Pizza Cat Emporium where we find Dash on his break thinking about the latest battle.
D (thinking): I don’t know why I couldn’t do the Rise of the Phoenix this time. Maybe I’m not cut out for this sort of thing.
N: Suddenly a strange blue light appears to him. It’s an alien.
D: GAHH! (Nearly falls out of bed) Its one of the Solaars!
Alien: Young warrior. That particular attack is of a level of power so great, that you cannot do it every time. Come back to our planet and we shall teach you some new attacks.
D: Ok I will.
N: So Dash went back to Solaar to train. Francine soon shows up wondering where he is.
F: Dash… your break’s over. Dash, are you here? (Thinking) Hmm, where did he go now?
N: Will Francine or any of the Pizza Cats find out about Dash’s secret? Will Big Cheese ever succeed at taking over Little Tokyo? Will the writers ever give me better questions to ask? Find out these things and more on the next Samurai Pizza Cats: EVOLUTIONS!