Ninja Crow's Dojo: The Birds: ch7

The Birds

Chapter 7: Little Tokyo on Broadway

Man: "So, des are yer hoodlum friends that yer ferever stayin out wit. Every night you go out wit
yer hoodlum friends. Ye come back in the morning and yer fershnickerd. You never lived a clean
day in yer life. Why when I was yer age . . ."

Mack Scranton turned around in the back seat of the car and opened the window to the driver's
compartment, which was open instead of enclosed on this model of car.

Mack: "Hassan, did we have to bring Mr. Lipshitz? You couldn't leave Mr. Lipshitz at home?
You absolutely had to bring Mr. Lipshitz?"

Hassan (an open cab car is the only one Hassan could possibly fit in) raised up his right hand and
made a single sign in the window. Everyone in the car knew what it meant. Mack closed the
window angrily.

Mack:(yells through the barier) "Ya know it's UNHEALTHY to have this kind of relationship
with your LANDLORD!!!"

Mr. Lipshitz: "You could learn from that nice boy. He always acts right and never disrespects his
elders, except when you make 'im. Look at how much better off he is than how you are. He plays
de piano and de violen. Everyone likes him, even yer friend Dentei over here who yer always
fightin wit."

Mack: "Look, these people aren't my friends, they are clients."

Mr. Lipshitz: "Don't you go off wit dis friend client business. I know how you work wit yer
clients Mackenzie. (He points at Polly) Before da night is over ye'll probably be tryin ta bed down
wit da pink one."

Polly: "WHAT!!!"

Mr. Lipshitz: "What, what did I do? I said he would try, I didn't say you would accept."

Polly sat back and grumbled.

Mr. Lipshitz: "Like I was sayin, he's so good off and you just get fershnickerd all the time."

Mack: "I do not get fersnick . . . I do not get drunk every night. I'm just tired when I come home
from working."

Mr. Lipshitz: "Workin shmirkin I know fershnickered when I see it, and you my friend, get
fersnickered. You should see him when he gets fershnickered."

Mack: "Will you shut up?"

Mr. Lipshitz:(slaps Mack on the back of the head) "Don't you speak to me in that tone. You
respect yer elders. Respect thy father and thy mother, that's what the good book says."

Mack: "We aren't even remotely related!"

Mr. Lipshitz: "It's the same thing."

Mack: "It is not the same thing."

Mr. Lipshitz: "I went to the synagogue and studied the torah with the rabbi every Saturday, and
every Sunday because none of you people do any business on Sunday like you should, for my
whole life and I know the meaning of the good book far better than a schmuck that gets
ferschnickered every night."

Mack: "Christ, now you're gonna go off about Sunday again aren't you. God damnit!"

Mr. Lipshitz: "I got no trouble wit the other fella, but don't you go takin the lords name in vain in
front of me! And fer that matter, the proper Sabbath IS on Saturday."

Mack: "We're here." <Thank GOD!!!>

Mack opened the door of the car before it had even stopped moving and jumped out. He rolled
four or five times he finally came to a stop (the car was going over 30 miles per hour when he
jumped).

Polly: "Is he CRAZY?!!!"

Mr. Lipshitz: "Of course he's crazy, (sarcastically) he's Mack Scranton, the schmuck!"

Mack got up and dusted himself off, no worse for the wear. Hassan pulled the car around into the
parking lot followed by Officer O'Grady with Speedy and Good Bird in the squad car they had
gone to Mack's office in. They all got out of the cars and crossed the street to join Mack in front
of the "Little Tokyo Roxydale Theater," an old and obscure theater on the east side of town.
Speedy was walking hand in hand with Polly when he saw a vision of pure terror and froze.

Polly: "Speedy, what is . . ."

Polly stopped and froze as well as she followed Speedy's gaze and saw the cause of the absolute
horror that Speedy was experiencing.

Good Bird (GB): "What's wrong with the two . . ."

Good Bird sees as well, and learned the true meaning of fear.
All three: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The marque on the front of the theater read, in large, black, terrifying letters, "Little Tokyo the
Musical"

Speedy: "We're not?!!"

Polly: "We aren't?!!"

GB: "We can't?!!"

Mack: "What's wrong?"

Speedy: "This play is TERRABLE!!!"

Polly: "This play is HORRABLE!!!"

GB: "This play is ABOMINABLE!!!"

Big Al: "Abominable???"

O'Grady: "Perhaps he has one of those word a day calenders sir."

Mack: "Francine gave it to him last Christmas, abominable was October 12, and yes we are seeing
the play."

Polly: "But this play is awful!"

Mack: "You've seen it?"

Mr. Lipshitz:(sarcastically) "What, you mean you're Mack Scranton and you don't know?"

Mack:(annoyed) "I was being sarcastic."

Mr. Lipshitz: "Sure, and yer tired when you get home too."

Mack: "Don't start with me old man!"

Big Al: "Before you two go off on that again, would you mind telling me how we're supposed to
get in Scranton?"

Everyone looked over at the ticket office where a very large "SOLD OUT" sign was posted in the
window.

Speedy: "Sold out???"

GB: "THIS musical???"

Polly: "Thank GOD!!!"

Mack: "And it has been sold out every night since it opened here a month ago."

Speedy, Polly, GB: "HOW?!!!"

Mack: "Tell me, do you follow the theater?"

GB: "No."

Mack: "Neither do I. I find it dull and pointless, but Hassan here does (indicates Hassan), and he
tells me that Little Tokyo has opened in every theater in town, and every theater in the provinces,
due to orders from the Little Tokyo Propaganda Ministry. Those orders, Hassan also tells me, are
the sole reason that Little Tokyo is still on any stage because every one of the theaters in the
entirety of the nation of Little Tokyo played to an empty house the second night. Except for this
one.

Speedy:(in disbelief) "Why?"

Mack: "It is entirely because of . . . (looks to Hassan) How do you say?"

Hassan signed to Mack.

Mack: "Ah yes, an upcoming actress in the lead part who is a rising star in the theatrical world.
She has starred in several amateur productions both here and in the provinces over the past few
years. A true prodigy."

Polly: "I don't believe it. No single person could possibly make this play any good."

Hassan signed to Mack.

Mack: "Apparently you have much to learn about the stage and screen Mrs. Cerviche, despite the
fact that I'm surprised someone as radiant as yourself has never been in films (Polly blushed
again). Hassan has told me that this diva's skills are nearly unparalleled in the theatrical world.
She could make anything good."

Polly: "Really . . . Well if she's so good why hasn't she been contracted by Broadway or
Hollywood, or something?"

Mack: "Hassan?"

Hassan signs to Mack.

Mack: "Hassan says she is an ugly woman."

Everyone falls down.

Big Al: "What do you mean she's ugly?"

Mack: "I mean Hassan says she's ugly."

GB: "That wouldn't be enough to keep down someone with that kind of talent."

Hassan signs to Mack.

Mack: "He says that she is very ugly. (Hassan signs again) Make that incredibly ugly."

Speedy: "That still wouldn't be enough."

Polly: "Ya, what about Uma Thurman?"

Big Al: "Uma Thurman is not ugly."

Polly: "She's a dog!"

Hassan signs to Mack.

Big Al: "And quite an attractive one at that."

Mack: "PEOPLE!!!"

Everyone stops.

Mack: "We digress, Hassan insists that this woman is ugly enough to cause most major players in
theater and film to disregard her talent. To use his exact words, "It was said that Helen of Troy
had a face that launched a thousand ships. This woman's would sink them."

Everyone considers this.

Mack: "That satisfy everyone, yes, no, good."

He whirls around and walks into the alley to the side of the theater.

Big Al: "Where are you going?"

Mack: "To see the show, come on everyone."

Big Al: "You still haven't told us how we're going to get in when the show is sold out."

Mack: "The manager is going to insist that we come in and have our own private balcony."

Speedy: "How do you know that?"

Mack reached inside his coat and pulled out a featureless paper file folder and held it up
unopened.

Mack: "What are ya kiddin, I'm Mack Scranton."

He whirled about and about trying to find the source of the attacks. What met him was nothing
but darkness staring back. He felt another slash at his arm and staggered away from it.

<AAAGH>

His body was in shambles now. The cuts had been coming non stop for what seemed like ages.
There was no part of him that they had not sliced through. He looked to where the blade must
have come from, and saw nothing. No flash of light from a sword, nothing. Time moved slowly
about him, as it always did in a battle. There was a blow to the back of his skull. He lurched
forward and fell to the ground. In front of his face was a foot.

He reached out and swiped the foot out from under its owner, who then fell to the ground with an
audable WHUMP! He grabbed his attacker and pulled himself on top to get a better look. He
still saw nothing, but he could feel plenty. Judging by where the arms that were pushing at him
were he thrust his fist toward where the face must be. He connected hard on a beak.

<He's a crow!>

The crow was black. Not black as in a color, but black as in a lack of color. The space where the
crow must be seemed to absorb all light around it.

He felt a hand on the back of his neck. He was lifted clear of the ground and hurled through the
air. He landed hard against a wall.

The pain of the impact upon his wounds was tremendous. He looked down at himself and noticed
that the blood had stained all his cloths a deep shade of red. He looked up and, now that he knew
what to look for, saw one of the black crows, he now saw that there were four, standing to his
right. This crow looked smaller than the others. Another crow came over to it and raised its
sword, which also absorbed all light. Then he realized who the two crows were standing over.
Finding strength anew he jumped to his feet and leapt outward toward the path of the crow's
sword, now arcing down on its victim.

Guido: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Then all was darkness.

Doctor Kats removed the syringe from the unconscious cat's arm.

Doctor Kats: <120 ccs, damn!>

Nurse Hillary dressed the three separate puncture wounds left by the syringes.

Francine:(shaken) "Is Guido OK Doctor?"

Doctor Kats: "He's fine Miss Manx. Just a nightmare. You had a few yourself before you woke
up."

Francine:(still shaken and wide eyed) "Are you sure? You gave him a lot of shots?"

Doctor Kats:(soothingly) "Don't worry. We're taking good care of him. And with as much of
that as I pumped into him he shouldn't have any nightmares for the rest of his life." <damn that
was a lot>

Francine started chewing on her lips while looking over at Guido. The doctors words had had no
effect whatsoever. Anyone could tell. The doctor smiled, he had seen this a hundred times
before.

Doctor Kats:(he put his head close to her ear so he wouldn't be overheard, even though Nurse
Hillary had already left the room) "You and him . . . you have something . . . going between the
two of you don't you?"

Francine: "What??? No, no I'm just worried that's all."

Doctor Kats:(cool) "Oh . . . I see . . . Nothing huh?"

Francine: "No."

Doctor Kats: "Just friends then?"

Francine: "Ya."

Doctor Kats didn't buy it for a second. She was still looking at him the same way she had been
before. Talking to him hadn't diverted her attention for a second. He hated breaking a moment
like this, but he had work to do. He called in an orderly.

Doctor Kats: "Well Miss Manx, we might as well get started."

He and the orderly picked up Francine and placed her on a waiting gurney.

Francine: "HEY!!! Where are you taking me?"

Doctor Kats: "I noticed some anomalies in you when you first came in and I would like to take a
few more X-rays to check some things. Unless of course you have some objection."

Francine looked over at Guido , not even noticing that she was no longer looking at the doctor.

Francine: "No, that's fine I guess."

The orderly took the gurney and wheeled it out the door. Through all the time that Francine
could see into the room, he watched her watch Guido.

Doctor Kats: <Friends . . . sure, and I'm a pediatrist.>

As he walked through the door he bumped into Carla, carrying a cup of coffee.

Carla:(concerned) "Where are you taking Francine, there's nothing wrong is there?"

Doctor Katz: "No, everything's fine. Just running some more tests."

Carla: "Alright, good then."

She went into the room and sat down in one of the chairs opposite the bed.

Mack Scranton knocked on the rear entrance to the Little Tokyo Roxydale Theater. There were
the sounds of deadbolts being unlocked. A moment later the door opened to the width allowed
by the security chain that was still attached.

Doorman: "Ya, wha da ya want?"

Mack: "Sir, I'm from the city, I'd like to speak with your manager about the fire escapes for this
building."

Doorman: "Our escapes are fine."

The doorman closed the door and the sounds of deadbolts are heard again. Mack knocked again.
Once again the sounds of deadbolts being unlocked are heard. Once again the door opened to the
width of the chain.

Doorman: "You again?"

Mack: "Sir, I must insist that I speak with the manager."

Doorman: "Look pal, I told you the escapes are fine."

He tries to close the door again, but this time Mack grabs the edge and stops him.

Mack: "Sir, once again I must insist that I speak with your manager."

Doorman: "Really, well there's a lot of people out here and I'm thinkin, "Why would a Fire
Marshall need all these people with him? (Mack signed to Hassan in as unnoticeable a way as
possible) And then I answer myself, "A Fire Marshall wouldn't." Therefore I'm thinkin that you
ain't a Fire Marshall at all."

The doorman closed the door again, but before he could deadbolt it Mack snapped his fingers.
Hassan reared back and plunged his trunk through the door. Literally, through the door. He
appeared to search around for a moment, then pulled his trunk back through the door. The end of
Hassan's trunk was wrapped around the doorman's waist. Hassan lifted the doorman up,
dropped him, and caught him again around the ankle. Then he swung him around so that his face
hung in front of that of Mack Scranton.

Mack: "Hi, welcome back."

Inside the theater a small crowd of stage workers and actors gathered at the door. In the
doorframe, one half of the door swung on its hinges. The other half hung loosely from the
security chain

Doorman:(upside down and panicking) "Yer CRAZY!!! Yer bloomin CRAZY!!!"

Mack signed.

Mack: "Crazy??? I am insulted by this."

Mack brought his hand up and snapped his fingers. Then Hassan hit the doorman hard against the
brick wall of the theater, after which he hung him in front of Mack again.

Mack: "We would like to speak with the manager."

Doorman: "Yer out o yer bloomin MIND!!!"

Mack brought his hand up and snapped his fingers again. The same result ensued.

Mack: "We would like to speak with the manager."

Doorman: "Bloomin CRACKERS you are!!!"

Mack brought up his hand.

Doorman: "WAIT!!!"

Mack paused.

Doorman: "I'll get im! I'll get im!"

Mack: "You will . . . Why thank you."

Mack slowly continued to bring up his hand.

Doorman:(alarmed) "No."

Mack continued.

Doorman:(very alarmed) "No, come on, no!"

Mack poised his fingers on the verge of snapping.

Doorman: "NO!"

Mack snapped his fingers. Hassan threw the doorman into the air briefly, caught him around the
waste, and set him down gently in front of Mack. Mack leaned forward, placing his face mere
inches from the doorman's.

Mack:(ominously) "Go! Now!"

The doorman stumbled over himself all the way back to the door and into the theater. Mere
seconds later the manager arrived, having already been summoned by all the commotion.

Manager: "Here now, what's going on."

Mack: "Are you the manager of this establishment?"

Manager: "Yes, now . . ."

Mack snapped his fingers. Hassan grabbed the man by the neck of his suit coat and lifted him off
the ground, hanging him in front of Mack.

Manager: "What the bloody 'ell?!!"

Mack: "We would like to see the show. We will be requiring a private balcony."

Manager: "Couldn't you read the sign out front. We're sold out."

Mack took the plain paper file folder out of his coat.

Mack: "You are currently in the process of some messy divorce proceedings with your wife, who
lives at 5479 West Laurel street."

He holds the folder up in front of the manager's face and opens it. The manager goes white.

Mack: "We would like to see the show. We will be requiring a private balcony. Do we get it
nicely, or does my large friend here play squeeze toy with your head?"

Manager:(swallows) "Sure, no problem."

Mack: "Good."

Mack snapped his fingers and Hassan dropped the manager.

Mack: "I also need to speak with you about your fire escapes."

Manager:(puzzeled) "What about em?"

Mack: "Well, my before mentioned large friend here can't fit through the door to the theater
without doing significant structural damage to the building, which he is of course totally capable
of doing. He will need to climb the fire escape and come in through the skylight. Make sure that
there is someone there to meet him, he does so love the theater that I would hate for him to have
to tear part of one's roof off."

Manager: "Sure, no problem."

Mack: "Excellent. Hassan, we will meet you inside, everyone else, come on."

In the alley Big Al Dentei stood disapprovingly. Officer O'Grady stood next to him. Mr. Lipshitz
looked disapprovingly up at Hassan.

Mr. Lipshitz:(lecturing) "You such a good boy and yet you go and do something like this. This is
what happens when you take orders from a schmuck."

Polly, Speedy, and Good Bird stood dumfounded.

Speedy: "What the hell was all of that?!!"

O'Grady: "That my boy . . . is why the man was kicked off o the force. Effective, but never one
fer goin by the book was Mack Scranton."